Mission Accomplished!

There was a change of plans a month ago.... I hit 175 pounds!!! Wahoo!!!!!! And I am pregnant now, so I won't be worrying about losing weight anymore, just being healthy :) We are oh, so happy and excited! Just going off the strict diet, I gained 10 pounds... yikes! But it's been consistent now for the past couple weeks so hopefully I don't let it get carried away.

Did I mention that we are super excited??

Week.... umm... I don't remember.. weigh in

 I decided to go a month without going to the official weigh in so we could save money. I felt confident that I had the drill down after 2 months of weekly weigh ins and could do it alone. I was right. I weighed in after 4 weeks and lost almost 9 pounds! I weigh 178!!!!!!!!, just shy of my 177 goal for this month. That's pretty darn good I think! This is the weight I was at when Trav and I ran the full marathon almost 2 years ago. Crazy! I'm happy about it.

******TMI WARNING******

Talking about happy, Travis and I had our appointment with the fertility specialist last Wednesday. It went much better than expected. He did a transvaginal ultrasound and said the septum in my uterus is very shallow and shouldn't create any complications when I do get pregnant. Which means: NO SURGERY!!! Yay!  He also took a look at my ovaries and said they were functioning properly. This was the news that really stunned me. With Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome one key thing is that your ovaries don't ovulate regularly or even at all. This means my weight loss has triggered my body to even out. Yay! It makes every chocolate cake, candy bar and waffle fry from Chic-fil-a I've denied worth it.

Week 9 Weigh In

I weighed in this week and it was for the past 2 weeks. The results weren't huge, but at least I'm still losing.

Weight: 187.0 pounds (last weigh in: 189.4)
Fat %: 40.5 (last weigh in: 41.8 pounds)
Fat Mass: 75.8 pounds (last weigh in: 79.2 pounds)
Water: 81.4 (last weigh in: 80.6)
 BMI: 31.6 (last weigh in: 32.0)

I lost 2.4 pounds in 2 weeks but it would have been another pound if I wasn't retaining water! :) That makes a total of 26.2 pounds lost and only 37 pounds to go! My cable provider has exercise shows on demand so I've been adding a  lot more exercise the last couple days and will continue with it to see how it goes. Since I didn't have the same results going after 2 weeks as weekly, I am going to give it another shot and see if it was just because I've been more lazy in my dedication. Hope in 2 weeks I can say I've lost 5 pounds! Speaking about goals, I have an appointment with the fertility clinic on the 28th of this month. That's 3 weeks from now and I want to lose 8 pounds by then.

8th Week Weigh-In

80 dollars a week is a lot of money for me to pay for shots and my consultation/weigh in with the doctor. Though I consider it very worth it and an investment in my long term physical and emotional health, I have decided to only go in once every other week. We'll see how it goes and if I don't see the results that I am seeing  now, I'll go back to weekly visits. So this week I didn't weigh in but still wanted to check in here. Accountability  :). By my own scale it looks like I've lost at least a pound this week. We'll see what next week brings!!

Also, with PCOS the doctors have said losing 10% of my weight will help my hormones settle down and hopefully- help ovulation. I have lost  11%! I have another 38 pounds to my goal which would put the percentage of weight loss to 30%. 1/3 of the way there :)

Happy in my Skin- I'm trying.

This is a brutally open and honest journal entry. Cathartic for me, but it may scar whoever reads it. Be warned...... this is probably one you want to skip over.  

"As children of God, knowing of His great love and His ultimate knowledge of what is best for our eternal welfare, we trust in Him. The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and faith means trust.”

Healing the Sick Dallin H. Oaks

Like I've mentioned before, there are several reasons for me to find happiness in my own body. Losing the weight is only one of my goals- a means to an end. A very happy and blessed end, hopefully. Babies. Being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome at the age of 15 was hard for me. Harder when two days before my 18th birthday my doctor said I needed to get my ovary removed and (shockingly) even more difficult when in the pro-op the surgeon said I no longer needed the surgery. Crying in the car ride home with my mom, I was struggling to figure out why it was more painful to take the fact the doctors didn't understand what was going on in my body. Shouldn't I have been relieved to know I didn't need any surgery?!?! It was frustrating. I think I hoped the surgery would fix everything. Erase the problems on my ovarian chalkboard.

Worries of getting pregnant and keeping it full term has, for years, been a reality of mine. I've been told since I was 15 I would need assistance and sadly, let it effect the way I felt about myself. The inner war was always there. Most of the times I won the battles. Other times I'd end up crying. Losing my composure equated to losing the battle. More winning the older I got and stronger in my faith that my Heavenly Father would provide.

Fast forward to last week. In the hospital in Williamsburg, VA. The doctors told me I had a septated uterus. This means there is an extra lining down the middle that shouldn't be there. Easy fix thanks to modern surgical procedures. Not so easy is the process to get to the fertility clinic that does the surgery. I've been pretty good about dealing with that news. First the issues with my ovaries, now my uterus... "MUTINY!" was what I kept thinking and that made me laugh a little- lighten the mood enough to push back the depressing thoughts of not being able to get pregnant. Travis and I have been trying for months now. Yes, it's very common to try with no luck for much longer than that. I know. Still, I kept hoping for a miracle second blue line that hasn't shown up so I could prove all those doctors wrong. 

Today I had my gynecology appointment to refer me to the fertility clinic. I was anxious for what the doctor would say and after an extremely frustrating morning at a different doctor's office and a innocent joke about finding a surrogate by Travis,  it bubbled over the top. I found myself turning on the shower, sitting down in the tub and crying. Angry tears. Sad tears mostly. Part of it pity for myself honestly. The major part was feeling like I was letting down my sweet husband who's already had to wait until his 30's to begin thinking about kids. There is something soothing about crying in the shower. Water noise to cover my crying and water running to camouflage my tears. A better healing balm is my husband who is willing to hold my face and remind me he didn't marry me for my uterus or ovaries. He loves me. I love him.

I got the referral from the gynecologist today. I'll need the surgery before I can get or stay pregnant and unfortunately I can't even get in to be seen until the end of September. 6 weeks. Then I'll have a pre-op and post-op time period before being able to try again. We'll have a few months to wait.

If it wasn't for the horrible pain that sent me to the hospital in Virginia, I wouldn't have known about my septated uterus and mind you, I've had ultrasounds before that haven't caught it. If I didn't know about the septated uterus, I wouldn't have gone to the OBGYN so quickly. Which means we would have much, much longer to wait. I'm thankful for the day in Virginia and that if Heavenly Father had to hit me over the head...er...across the stomach to get me to the specialist, he did it when I had my husband, parents and sisters to help me. Tender mercy.

What Travis and I are going through is nothing compared to what other people have had to face. It's all about keeping it in perspective. I'm incredibly blessed to have a body. It's a gift from God and I intend to show my appreciation to him by learning how to truly be happy in it.


"Fear is the opposite of faith. We move forward, certain that the Lord will watch over us, particularly in the family.”

The Power of the PriesthoodBoyd K. Packer

7th Weigh In

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since an official weigh in due to my vacation to Virginia and my dr's vacation to Washington D.C. So these results are more than just for 1 week. They are still very good though!!

Weight: 189.4 pounds
Fat %: 42.8%
Fat Mass: 79.2 pounds
Water:80.6 pounds
BMI: 32.0

Sooo... I lost a total of over 9 pounds since my last official weigh in. One thing they are consistently praising me for is working hard to lose the fat, not just water weight like they see pretty often. That is good for me! It means what I'm doing is working. I've lost a total of 23.8 pounds :) YAY!

5th and 6th Weigh Ins

The 5th weigh in was the morning after I got back from a  week long vacation at home. It was such an amazing trip. I enjoyed the  awesome support of my family while there. When I asked my dad to pick up a pack of diet snack bars at the store, he came back with one of EVERY kind of them! There are still some in my cupboard two weeks later. My dad is awesome. My mom and I went out to eat at Red Robin and they have a service where they replace any bun or sandwich bread with lettuce. I had my choice of anything! So delicious. Thanks Mom :)
At the weigh in I gained a pound of water weight and the rest remained the same. They say flying does that and not to worry. I wasn't worried, I was ecstatic that I didn't gain 15 pounds just looking at all the delicious England food! 1 pound weight gain for a week long vacation home.... I'll take it!!!

The 6th Weigh In didn't officially happen because my doctor was out of town, but I weighed myself at home. My scale is a little over a pound higher than the scale at the doctor's office, and according to my scale I weighed 194.0 pounds. That is a 2.8 pound (I'm not counting the extra water pound I gained then lost) loss this week! Yay! We'll see what the scale says next week though. I'm still motivated and enjoying the process especially because that was my weight the week before I got married. Double Yay! Almost 20 pounds lost!

4th Weigh In

Today was weigh in day, here are the results:

Weight: 196.8 lb
Fat %: 44.0%
Fat Mass: 86.6 lb
Water: 80.6 lb
BMI: 33.3

So it was a good week! I lost 3.2 pounds! I'll take it. That brings it to a grand total of 16.4 pounds lost in three weeks. Now, I just have to be good this next week on vacation back home. Have I mentioned that I'm totally excited to go home this week????

Day 16

Since my body is becoming more adjusted to my diet, I'm able to incorporate exercise. Yay! My treadmill can be put to good use again after 2 1/2 weeks! Hopefully that also keeps me losing weight as well. After 13.2 pounds in 2 weeks, I'm only expecting a 2-3 pound week this week. We'll see on Tuesday!

One thing I've found I can do is eat healthy even when I'm out and about. While sometimes I feel bad when I say, "I want the chicken fiesta salad, but only the lettuce and meat....yes, only the lettuce and meat, nothing else" it is wonderful! But they do look at me weird and when Travis orders for me he has begun to explain that I'm on a very strict diet. Poor man.  

Gator's Dockside

Travis and I wanted to go to a beach restaurant we ate at a couple years ago in New Smyrna, but then realized it wasn't very logical since we both had to work early in the morning (it was a 4 hour round trip). Travis is helping me to get some variety and breaking me back into "real people eating" by taking me out to eat. So we took ourselves to Gator's Dockside tonight. I still have my guidelines to follow but thankfully they had a diverse menu and I settled on a Crisp Harvest and Cheddar Salad. Something I would NEVER have decided on before this diet... Lettuce, some cubed ham, cheddar and apples topped with a little apple cider vinaigrette. It was one of my favorite salads ever. I had to group the cheese, ham and apples on the side of my dish to make sure I didn't eat too many calories but the combination of everything was amazing!! You can bet I'll be buying the ingredients to make this dish at home. So simple but so perfect.

3rd Weigh In

Today has been "one of those days." And after having a rough morning I wasn't looking forward to my weigh in appointment with the doctor. It could easily have made my day worse since I was weighing in after only 5 days instead of the usual 7 (days off changed). I made it there anyway and here are the results.....

Weight: 200.0 lb
Fat %: 44.5
Fat Mass: 89.01
Water: 81.21
BMI: 33.8

I lost 5 pounds! This time a lot of it was in water weight, but water is weight too! Turned out to not be such a bad day after all.

My motivation

There are a lot of incentives to keep going with this weight loss program and there are also a lot of motivators and supporters. Being able to have a family in the future and staying healthy for my family is my main incentive. My family is a great motivator. And Travis is a wonderful supporter. He has never told me to lose weight or that he wants me any other way than the way I am. No snide comments when clothes won't fit.  Ever. I love that about him.  Also, this program is not cheap, but he hasn't complained (yet! ha ha) about me putting money aside to do it now. I'm grateful for that because I feel guilty already.... kind of like I failed because I couldn't do it on my own... if that makes any sense.
Anyway, today I've been thinking a lot about my motivation and it made me appreciative. I have the perfect husband for me.
One week down and only A LOT more to go! :)

Day 9: Lettuce Wraps

One of the great things about getting through the detox week is that I can add so much more flavor to my diet. The funny thing is that all the flavor makes me feel like I am cheating... but I add up the calories, carbs, etc, and ... I'm not! I love it! Tonight I checked out some recipes that align with my requirements, and decided to try some new things, made a shopping list and hit the store with my VERY supportive husband. Tonight I decided on Oriental Ginger Chicken Lettuce Wraps. It takes longer to write the name than to make them. Very easy, healthy and good too! They don't look very appetizing in the picture, but don't let my lack of a good camera (and photo skills!) make you think a cat regurgitated on lettuce. I promise. We don't even have a cat.

The 2nd Weigh In

Today was the 7th day of the diet and my 2nd weigh in and appointment with the doctor. Time of truth! Well these are the results (this week and then any changes that happened in parenthesis):

Weight: 205.2 pounds   (down 8.0 pounds)
Fat %: 43.6 %   (down 1.5%)
Fat Mass: 89.4 pounds   (down 7.8 pounds)
Water: 84.8 pounds   (down 0.8 pounds)
BMI: 34.7  (down 1.3)

As you can tell, I lost 8 pounds this week! YAY!! I've had a lot of changes and some stress this week, so that was a relief. Hard work is paying off! And I was also impressed that almost all of the weight I lost was fat. I know that the rest of the weeks won't be so impressive with weight loss, more like 2-3 pounds a week, but I'm still excited. I just want to keep going down. This week I get to introduce fruits and vegetables back into my  diet, though it is very moderately on the fruits. I'm allowed over twice the amount of carbs as I've been allowed this past week, so I'm excited! More variety! Never thought I would be this excited to eat vegetables. ..

All in all, a successful week!

Day 6

I am tired today. Really tired. That might have something to do with the fact I shadowed housekeeping today though. Tomorrow I'm working with the houseperson and it is my weigh in after work! I'm excited to see what progress I've made! I've been so good at not cheating, it better be a good result...

Day 5

Today I started training at my new job and I think the nerves helped take away my appetite. I had to work to get to my calorie minimum of the day. I literally added them up and realized I was short so had to go eat something small. Never thought that would happen! It was a good day. I was tired all day which is my body adjusting to the diet (low calories, low fuel) but I'm told it gets better. Only 2 more days of the strictest part of the diet!! Wahoo!

4th of July and 4th day of the diet

I had today off so enjoyed a relaxing day of cleaning and decorating for the 4th of July while watching GAC (it's a country music video channel) and I loved it. I did ok with the diet today even though it was a holiday I stuck to it! I was proud of myself. We used Sarah's charcoal grill to cook Trav's brats and after it wouldn't get hot enough for about an hour, we brought it inside and cooked the meat on a grill skillet. I had chicken sausage and it was pretty good with the crispy burnt flavor. I love it. Then we went to a dock by Sarah's house and watched the Magic Kingdom fireworks while playing with sparklers. Fun day all around. Now I have to get ready for my new job tomorrow. I'm nervous. New diet and new job all in the same week.... yikes.

Day 3 (I poisoned Travis)

I have today and tomorrow off, but Travis had to work today at 8am. Unfortunately he was up sick all night so had to call in AND he blames it on the macaroni I made last night! I say maybe he shouldn't have eaten the whole pan!! Either way, he started feeling better so we were able to go to church together today. I love it. Our old ward was huge and got split so today was the first day in the new ward. If this is the result when I "poison" Travis, I might have to make macaroni and cheese more often! :)

It was fast Sunday this morning so not a lot to report on the diet front. Things are going well though. Just keep on sticking to the rules I've been given. The results on Thursday better be amazing!!

Yummy Chicken Recipe

For this first week I am VERY limited on what I can eat. Meaning less than 10g of carbs a day and focusing on very lean proteins. Let's just say I have found a great friend in the turkey pepperoni stick. For dinner I felt like baking so sprinkled a chicken breast with 1/2 teaspoon of dry ranch seasoning and put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Maybe it was because I've been missing out on variety and flavor, but it was delicious! There would be changes I would make IF I could eat more, like adding parmesan cheese with the ranch flavoring and coating the chicken breast with that after a dunk in a whipped up egg, but it was enough to satisfy my flavor craving. I made some creamy mac and cheese (be proud, I didn't even have a lick!) as a side so Travis can also enjoy the chicken and not go hungry. Delicious!

Day 2

Today was my last day at Port Orleans as an hourly cast member for at least 3 months (hopefully forever!) and I am excited to begin this new part of my life. It feels like I am challenging myself on a few different levels, which makes me feel like I'm progressing. It's always a nice feeling. At the same time, change brings stress so I'm doubting my intelligence in starting this extremely strict diet the same week I'm starting my new job.... but what better time is there? I'll always have an excuse so I'm glad I bit the bullet.

Diet-wise today has been good. I got a nasty headache in the afternoon but nothing a couple painkillers and a lot of water didn't cure. I'm staying on track! Oh, and my water retention is improving because I put on my new shoes today and they are too big! in 36 hours of not wearing them they magically stretched, or my feet shrunk! I have to be grateful for every little change I notice along the way, so I stay motivated :)

Final Goal Weight

My final goal weight is 150 pounds. I can't remember the last time I was that weight... I think it was Elementary School actually ha ha ha.


63 pounds to go!! I'm excited!

Day 1

Today is my first full day on the diet. Most of the challenge today has been telling myself I do not need to eat because I am bored, tired, stressed, etc. A lot of retraining of my mind/body will be going on! I'm feeling good other than that though.

Weigh In Day

In order for this journal to work for me, I have to be completely honest with myself. Which means I'm going to post the very personal information I get every week during my weigh-ins. All part of it.

	Weight: 213.2 lb

Fat %: 45.1

Fat Mass: 96.2 lb

Water: 85.6

BMI: 36

BP: 136/80

Pulse: 64

Waist: 46

It's time to do something drastic.

The decision has been gradual in coming. Between the puckering blouses, needing to make the transition from my buttoned pants and jeans to stretchy workout pants and capris, hormone inflations and acne, I took the plunge and signed up for a weight loss system I have criticized for being too drastic. The problem was regular diet and exercise wasn't doing anything for me, in fact I gained 25 pounds in the past 6 months. Not ok! While I would love to say it is all in concern for my health (which it mostly is by the way), there is that chubby girl in me that wants to know what it feels like NOT to be the chubby girl. Then after I enjoy not being the chubby girl for a few days, maybe I can get chubby with a baby. Who knows!!